Dear New Mom,
You don’t have to apologize. So, stop right now.
You’re in the mama circle now. That means you get to fall off the face of the earth, complain, cry, ask for help, or not return phone calls and texts, and we’ll still be here. We’re crying and complaining about our kids too, so no judgement.
However, if anyone complains while they are “helping you out” even if that person is another parent, politely ask them to leave. You don’t need that shit.
Speaking of help, people are going to want to help you. Let them. They won’t fold your clothes the right way, they’ll put the groceries in the wrong place, and the dishes they just washed may still have food on them, but who cares? Let them help you. You can’t do everything. And you’ll send yourself to the crazy place if you try. Let them feed you, let them take the baby so you can poop, even if the baby cries the whole time. You need to poop. (more…)
I hate introducing myself to strangers, starting conversations, or mingling at parties. Making returns or scheduling appointments over the phone make me nervous. In fact, I dislike most phone calls. I avoid them when I can. It is entirely possible that I have accepted crappy insurance, additional fees, or the wrong colored something or other simply because I didn’t want to talk to anyone on the phone.
All this to say, speaking up isn’t my strong suit.
It’s funny though. When I was in elementary school (more…)
I was born and raised in Southern California, so I’m spoiled when it comes to weather. I don’t like extremes. I complain about anything higher than 85 degrees and anything lower than 65 degrees. Rain is novel and splendid, but only for two days. Anything, longer than that is a little excessive, don’t you think?
It’s no surprise that summer in Chicago had me in a complete fit for weeks. It was horrid, sticky, and stormy and dear God, how do people function in this heat? I thought, I’ll just wait until the weather is nice and then we can go out. That didn’t work. The sticky and stormy would last for days and days with maybe one day of respite in between.
And now we are headed into the darkest days of winter. Somehow knowing this has sparked a better-get-the-fuck-out-there-and-enjoy-the-sun-while-you-can attitude in me. So, my miniature sidekick and I (more…)
When I was in college I put a little Jesus fish on my car. Just peeled the wax paper off the back and slapped that baby to the bumper of my Geo Metro.
Shocked? Well, let me tell you the best thing about this little fish. He had legs. And instead of the name, JESUS, in the center of his body, it read: DARWIN. Clever, right?
Listen, I have never had anything against Jesus. In fact, I think he’s pretty groovy. I mean, his teachings were directly inspired by the super-groovy Jewish sages who came before him. Still, I have a great deal of respect for science. And I like a good joke.
It was funny!
You know what wasn’t funny? (more…)
What comes to mind when you hear the word, feminist? Gloria Steinem in her oversized glasses? Women burning bras or screaming into bullhorns? Or maybe you think back to that brief chapter in high school history when you learned about the suffragettes, and you picture Victorian ladies marching in fancy hats and sashes.
What I really want to know is: do you picture you?
When I was very young I wondered why democratic politicians didn’t win every election. If roughly fifty percent of the American population is female, I reasoned, and all women are democrats, then the collective democratic vote would tip the scales every time. Right? (more…)
“I can’t cry anymore.”
I confessed this to a friend during a hike one morning. We were somewhere in Griffith Park climbing in rhythm with our breaths. She is also a yogi, so she knew the significance of what I had just said. With concern between her brow, she pressed me for more details.
Generally speaking, I’m not really a big crier. Sometimes everyone around me is crying and I’m just standing there trying to figure out what to do with my face. (more…)